Validation

You are enough

This essay was written as a part of a collaborative exercise with fellow writers in the Delhi NCR Substack group. Links to their essays are at the end of the article.

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Whenever I think about validation, my mind always goes back to the same question.

When did I start wanting someone else to tell me that I was enough?

For the longest time, I could not answer it.

Then one day, while thinking about childhood, I found myself smiling at a memory I had completely forgotten.

I was in nursery school.

Our teacher had this little ritual. Every time a child behaved well or did their work neatly, she would put a tiny star on their cheek. It was nothing extraordinary. Just a small star that would disappear by the time we reached home.

But to us, it meant everything.

I remember sitting in class, secretly hoping that today would be my day.

I wanted that star.

Not because it was colourful or pretty, but because it meant I had done something right. It meant my teacher had noticed me.

Then there were our notebooks.

My friends and I would gather after class and start counting.

"How many 'Good' did you get?"

"I got five."

"Oh, I got seven."

It was almost like a game.

None of us realised that we were quietly comparing ourselves with each other. We were just children. We thought we were counting words.

Looking back now, I realise we were counting something much bigger than that.

We were counting reasons to feel proud of ourselves.

No wonder I loved going home on the days my notebook had the most "Good" remarks.

For the little girl I was, happiness was simple.

A tiny star on my cheek.

A notebook filled with words of appreciation.

Years passed.

The stars disappeared.

The notebooks changed.

But something inside me remained exactly the same.

I still wanted to feel seen.

Only now, I started looking for that feeling somewhere else.

I found it in friendships.

Friendship has always been one of the most beautiful parts of life for me.

There is something comforting about knowing that someone chooses to stay. That someone understands you without needing an explanation. Somewhere along the way, I realised that the opinions of my friends mattered more to me than I admitted.

When they believed in me, I believed in myself a little more.

When they appreciated me, my confidence quietly grew.

A few weeks ago, one of my friends sent me an email.

It was not written to change my life.

It was just one friend writing to another.

But there was one line that refused to leave me.

"I hope you never forget this: you are enough, exactly as you are. You do not need to become louder, brighter, or easier for the world to love you."

I still remember reading it.

Then reading it again.

And then once more.

It felt strangely familiar, as though those were the exact words a part of me had been waiting to hear for years.

What surprised me was how easily I believed them.

I did not stop to question whether they were true.

I simply let them stay with me.

Maybe because they came from someone whose words I trusted.

For a long time, I thought moments like these were what gave me confidence.

And maybe, in some ways, they did.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be appreciated.

There is nothing wrong with smiling when someone says they are proud of you.

We are human.

We all want to feel seen.

We all want to know that our presence matters to someone.

But life has a quiet way of teaching us something else.

People cannot remind us every day that we are enough.

Some days they will cheer for us.

Some days they will be busy living their own lives.

Some days they may not notice our efforts at all.

And that does not make those efforts any less meaningful.

I think that is what growing up has slowly taught me.

Validation is beautiful.

But it is also temporary.

The warmth of a compliment fades.

The excitement of an achievement settles.

Even the words that once meant everything eventually become memories.

What stays is the relationship you have with yourself.

These days, I still smile when someone appreciates me.

I still save kind messages.

I still go back and read that email sometimes.

But I no longer want those words to be the reason I believe in myself.

I want them to be a reminder of something I already know.

That I am enough.

Not because someone else said so.

But because I finally believe it too.

And maybe that is what growing up really is.

It is not reaching a place where you no longer appreciate validation.

It is reaching a place where you no longer depend on it.

Where the little girl who once waited for a star on her cheek slowly grows into someone who can look in the mirror, smile, and quietly whisper to herself,

"You are enough.”

Until then,

Live Laugh and Love to the fullest.

Link to other essays:

1: Confessions of a Validation Addict by Abhishek Singh .

2: How it shapes us—Until it doesn't by Parul Kapoor .

3: What I make of what I make by Mansi Goel .

4: The gentle violence of needing to be proven right by Sid Sharma .

5: It’s like Fight Club; it’s you against the world by Apoorva Dua .